The "IF" Phase

"IF" a word that is made to think of what should and could have happened in the future. In a relationship, you can think of anything about the future. You'll share it to your love one and make decisions about your future with them, but when things got worst and you ended everything with that someone, you'll have to think over everything again. with or without that person, It is really up to you if you can make things work or get on with your life. But this is the most tragic and dramatic part of moving on. This thing lingers to your mind and will make you think of getting back with your special someone regardless of how absurd they did to you back then. This will make you feel weak without that person and will make you think you're useless alone. But that doesn't mean that you can't get through from that phase. Friends will make you feel better, Talk to them. If you have something on your mind, tell them what it is. They'll make it sure that you are on the right track and not lingering in the memories you've created with. I have gone through it, but without any help of anybody, just by myself. It's hard and though to handle those feelings inside that you want to let go without someone who's willing to listen to your dramatic speech. But I got passed that. And when you got your head straight those "If's" you have will be gone. Just think about it, you're just looking back on things you had on that certain point in time. those are just promises to keep the relationship going, those are your goals as a future married couple. those are just things that will never be done without the other one. Remember, you can't make those things alone because It's the things you both want to have in the end of the run, in the end of the game of chase. Unless one of you locked it in and risked everything for the things you have it's just a promise that will be made by both partners. The If phase really is the hard part of moving on. you'll just keep remembering things you both said to each other but you can go through it. those are just words, without actions they are useless.

Hard Decisions

I have thought about this very recently and I still don't have the answer. I have shifted or changed my career and pursued my I.T. profession. yeah. I have been a Creative designer for 3months now and I'm still not sure what I really want. I thought that when I pursue my field of expertise I would be happy. but I'm not. I still don't know what do I want to do. My relatives had offered me to go abroad and stay at their place, My aunt had offered me to work for this Big Company that she had many connections to, My mom had told me that if I want to study she'll support me. My father, a man of few words told me that if I there's something I want to do I must do it so that I wont regret that in whole life. The point here is I have many options and with these options, I can't really decide what to do. They have given me a lot of things just to make me happy but they are making things not easy for me to decide what do I really want. I really want to go abroad just to experience how to live and work there, I really want to study again and choose what I really want, and I really want to work in a big company just to experience how to handle a team/department and show my leadership skills, But I'm still undecided. Now I don't know what do I need to do for me to get motivated. I'm so confused that I don't know what's the next move I'm gonna do. I want to leap to the next level but my instincts didn't want to do it. Maybe I'm afraid to do things because I know that by some point in time I will fail in my chosen path of career. I don't really know what to do now and I really don't think those are my best options. They really have given me good choices but I don't think I will excel on those things. I want to grow career wise and personal wise but I'm really afraid to fail everything. Now I really don't know what I really want to do. Given the circumstances that everyone is supporting what I will do for myself. I'm confused. I need to think straight now. and I need a break.

Big N' Tasty

The title says everything. YES It's big, and YES it's tasty. It's like the size of Mcdo's Quarter pounder and tasty as Big Mac because of it's 100% pure beef (i hope so) and veggies. I tried this yesterday at McKinley when I got out of work. I usually bought Quarter pounder and McNuggets but I saw this on their menu and It's kinda new so I tried it. at first I just thought that it was just ordinary like every burger at Mcdo but when i give it a bite, speechless. the meat was juicy like it just got out of the oven or pan or whatever you call it. It melts right into my mouth with tomatoes, lettuce cucumber and onions (this one i forgot it there was really an onion). It's dressing is quite tasty too. I don't think it's thousand island though and It may be Mcdo's signature dressing or smoke dressing. idk cause like i said I'm a meat lover so I'm just focused on how tender and juicy the beef/patty is. I'll compliment it's veggies too. fresh tomatoes, crispy cucumbers and green lettuce. just like in our everyday salad. It's not pricey too. with just 120 on ala carte, 145 for a regular meal with fries and drink and 165 upsize upgrade. try this one now while Mcdo give it for it's 100% potential :)

BB friend. Social media sucks

it's like the old days, when someone posted something on the net. gives me a link. searched something in particular. read it, found out that she wrote something about how we hanged out. deja vu? hahaha! twitter. I'm not safe there anymore. hahaha! that was the time when i was out of luck. the day when i broke up with my ex. never thought that she likes to hangout with me. but that's so much in the past right now. didn't want an intimate relationship anymore. just hanging out with someone is "a okay" with me. I'm not saying that's it's too late right now. I just don't want to commit. why? because it will take so much of my time. right now i can do pretty much whatever i want. i can go everywhere, anywhere, wherever and whomever i want to be with. that's what's great in being a loner. being alone with someone who's not thinking that we'll have that relationship, a friend who will be there whatever i do. but that will end today. because of that blogpost. it ruined everything. It's not that i don't want to hangout with her anymore. I just want things to cool down, to fade out. I really don't want someone falling for me right now. I don't want someone to fall with me. It changes everything. we can't talk freely if that happens. that's how eff' up my setup is. if someone falls, I'll say goodbye. that's it. yeah i know i'll be an ahole, a dbag and an effin' cunt but that's how i arranged it. I told them what i want and what can i do in the first place. as of now no one last that long. they really get out of track, they get lost in what i'm doing for them, they fall. and for that I'm very sorry. I'm writing this because i felt bad of what will happen to us. i don't want to do this again for a friend. but i must. i really feel bad about what will happen to us. but things will get awkward from this on. I'll stay away from her, ignore her text messages and calls, her fb messages and twitter dm's. everything. so this is goodbye. sorry for this. but i have to stay away to you from now on. I wont say this to you in person cause i'm too pussy and it will be hard to say it to you. this is all i can do. sorry again. SORRY.

Career wise: Workplace you really want to go to.

It's been a long time since I wrote something here in my blogsite. As usual, I'll write something about myself again. I actually just got home today. as of the moment I still got this intense energy left on my body so I'll just convert this into writing. Today I got the job.(Hell YEAH!) and finished a lot of designs and flash files. shifting a career is very risky but if you really want something why not give it a try right? I just finished a flash file for "The Voice" banner ads. Our client is really an effin' pain in the ass so I did a lot of revisions in my work. still not tired btw so I got this Buried ads done this morning and I'm still running with more energy. I think my workplace did a lot of things to inspire me today. the ambiance is good, my officemates were too kind to give me some moral support. looks at my work, gives a couple of straight forward opinions (a bit harsh but still very helpful) and a very satisfying smile is given back to me. I really think that I will grow and learn more in this company. people were very supportive and they help each other whenever they need help. a kind of workplace I really want to work.

Saturday: A Big Day for US

Today It's a very special day for myself, my family, and my friends. I have a big interview for one of the biggest advertising company that is based in McKinley Hill and It's my cousin and my friend's graduation day, and with the same time. wtf, here it goes. I have an interview for this company which will be my biggest break as a web developer, I had an interview with them via phone and asked me to come over on their site last week, I think I passed the interview and the assessment that is why I was called back to go there again at 8am. sadly, I didn't went there, I overslept, hehe, so I rescheduled my interview but they didn't replied so, there goes my ticket of being a successful web developer and still stuck in being a SEO Specialist (which now bores me because I've been doing it for 3-4yrs). I woke up at 9:30am, pretty much the same, Opened my pc, checked my phones and I got plenty of messages and missed calls from my girl (I still haven't replied to her messages so she must be really pissed off right now) went to my stylist which is NOT AVAILABLE today and got a haircut from this guy that's named as "FERGIE" which does not suits him well, It was all done at 1:30pm and I need to be on my cousin's place at 2-3pm to help and prepare foods that will be served to their effin' visitors. (yeah, I know how cook and that's only the greatest skill I have) It wasn't supposed to be this until my cousin called last night and plead for my help which pretty much I can't say no because they needed my help, I'm a yes man btw hehe. and now I'm tired and I still need to go to my friend's graduation party and I'm so tired right now because I'm not used in doing so many things in one day. as Sarah Walker said to Chuck "one mission at a time". btw I became the photographer of the party so I have all their cameras so this is really tiring for me.

This is life but, It's a big day for us, I mean for them. well, I got an achievement today, I got a haircut from "Fergie" who's been hitting on me from the moment I stepped on Fix's front door. I really don't like having a haircut so this must be an achievement. hehe.. anyway, CONGRATULATIONS BATCH OF 2012! WELCOME TO THE LIFE OF HAVING TOO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES, BEING THRIFT and NOT HAVING YOUR OWN TIME! hehe. GOODLUCK PEOPLE!! :D

Maybe, Maybe not Part TWO

It's been a long time since I last wrote the 1st part of this. This time I'll continue my story.

It was the end of my shift, there I was waiting for the elevator to come up, there was so many people waiting that time cause I got off to work on the time that is the end of shift of all the employee on that floor.

I stood near the fire hydrant with my earphones on, I'm always on shuffle when I'm using my music player. then it played. a song that she gave me, brings back memories so I didn't skipped the song and I'm enjoying the song so I listened to it. after that, another song from her played, yeah, 2 in a row that's bs but it happened then another, this time a song that only her friends knew cause it was a song from her friend that has a band. that song really brings back our memories, that song reminded me on how I got and accepted our game of chase. I did everything the book and my experience has to offer, I played the part of I don't care but I really do, I became the boy who tell all the sweet things just to please her, I did all her errands and favor that she asked me. I pretty much did everything for her. But at the end, all of those things means nothing at all. It's hard cause back then I really don't have someone who I can run to, to talk with, to be with. My friends really never asked me how's my life there in Cavite. no one really cares about me at that time. And at that time all I really had was her. I'm not really the type of person who'll mingle with everybody. I'm just a quiet boy at the corner observing peoples action and laugh at the flaws that I'm seeing. not that I'm an outcast or a loner, I just enjoy staring at people and observing things that they're doing.

then the elevator opened. I was on the 30th floor of our building and the elevator is full, we were like sardines packed in can but the we got down to the lobby fast, then the door opened. I saw a girl who's got the same hair color as her, at first I thought that she's her, but i got to my senses and I'm just imagining things. really, I really thought that it was her that time. I saw her face at that girl but when she passed by me her face changed. wtf, it's this kind of moment when you're thinking of a person and wanted to see her but you can't. (thanks for giving me this restraining order sis).

then as I walk to the bus stop I thought I saw her again, it was at the McDo. This girl stood there but I never saw her face, same height as her, same hair length and same hair color. I was stunned that time. and as I reach for my pack of cigarettes my sister called. then I answered it and the girl began to fade away into my thoughts.

I really thought at that time that she was that girl. I knew it by the way she move as she stood there at the front of McDo..

This time I'm really in a fucked up situation. why cause it's almost a year at that time when that happened. I don't really know why I keep on thinking about her all these time. I had a couple of dates these past few weeks and yes, I've been going out but I really never got the chance to do things or make those "hangout" be a date.

I think I'm still in love with her..

I'm way over my head right now

It's 1:46am on March 6, 2012. I really can't sleep.

This time I've been thinking about her. you know, the girl who I told everyone that she's "the one". yeah. I've been thinking about her the whole time. since the end of my shift, when I rode the jeep, walked through nagtahan bridge, and when I got home and lay down on my trusted bed, who's been loyal to me ever since.

This time it's different. I wrote about this girl who've I dated and she's not the real deal. I just want her company and I have no feelings for her. I'm sure of it this time.
I like her qualities. she's spontaneous, she's impulsive like me, and we're pretty much the same, at all aspects. the way we want to express ourselves, the dress and shirt we wore, the type of things we like to do. we were pretty much the same. and It's not right.

what I have learned for myself is that I keep on saying to everybody that I really got over her but in reality, I don't. I'm just escaping for the truth. I really made all my dates a getaway from reality that i can't really get off to.

I messed up. I'm too careful not to do things that can make us be apart, but because of that, I've become a sissy, a girl, a pussy. at that time, I'm the girl.

I'm not really that kind of guy, who will go all the way home to manila in a 4-6hrs drive but I did it. I don't buy things for a girl which is not practical and logical for us to have, that's not me but I did it. I'd do anything for her at that time because we were too far away and that what's makes me do those things. cause I know what it feels like to not be on a person's birthday. to not be at a person's side when she was really down. to not be able to help her do her passport cause it's making her crazy about what to put on it. to be able not to hug her when it's raining hard outside. yeah, I'm not that guy to be with her all the time because I'm too far from her. to say sorry eventhough I didn't do anything odd or a mistake. and that's why I did everything to work things out.


She's still the apple of my eye. I still smell her perfume on my pillow and sheets, I still listen to her songs. I still browse her pictures on that small pink lcd thing that her "officemate" gave her. I still love her from the bottom of my heart and this time I'm not gonna lie to myself, I still do want her in my life.

yeah I know this sucks. to love somebody who's not really not that into me. but you know what. that's love. to do it unconditionally is it's best quality. you see, you can love anybody, even if they really don't care about it, you'd still love them. that's what's great about loving somebody. you can make a goal for it. what I'm doing for that feelings is to shape my life. to someday see her, maybe in her home abroad, having a wonderful life, and maybe, just maybe start all over again, but that's a 0.01% of 100%. in other words, it's BS.

I have this letter which is I really don't know what to do to it and why I still have it when my wallet is snatched from me (I hid all my personal stuff in my wallet). I wrote it on the day that we broke up. actually, she really thought me how to write. which is what my job is right now. she shaped my life, she changed it. she made me the man who I am right now.

And that's why I'm very thankful for her. And that's why I still love her. She made me do things that I really thought I can't do. But I messed up.

She's happy right now, eventhough I don't really know what's happening to her (I really sucked at lying, Cyberstalking, how beautiful is it?). I know she's happy, and I'm happy for her too. that's love, to be happy for a person even though you think that you should be with her right now. I'm happy for her now.

Just Having fun. For now.

You're so beautiful.

That's the only thing I said when we first met..

I met this girl in a social networking site. We exchanged messages. added and followed each other on our Social networking sites, Told jokes at night. Give advice to each other whenever we have a problem.

But.. we never exchanged phone numbers. why? maybe it spoils the fun. the excitement when we waited for each other to pop up on each chat messages, the email that will be sent to us that day. the tweets we must reply whenever we retweet each other statuses.

Then one day. out of the blue, she asked for my phone number cause she will be busy this coming month. well, It should've been me doing that but I'm not that guy who really likes to get numbers from some random strangers. shy? no, It's just I really don't do that. Getting numbers or Giving private and personal contact information is like giving your safety at risk.

So then It goes. we exchanged messages through text now. no more emails, no more tweets, no more chat messages. just plain text. we enjoyed talking to each other. we replied to each sms even if we were doing something. it's like getting a friend who's never gonna let you down.

A month have passed since we exchanged numbers. and then we got bored. You know, when you've been doing things for so long you'll get tired of it. and we got to the point when we were telling each other what we should and would not do. It becomes a relationship, a commitment.

Commitment.. that awful relationship when we restrict each other from doing things we like. that really is what I am avoiding right now. It's not that I don't want to take part of something huge here. It's just I don't want everything to fall apart. We built a relationship where we are open to each other. we tell our worst nightmare, we share our ups and down. We're pretty much a perfect representation of friendship. But everything must come to an end. We must decide whether we take it to the next level or remain like this and find another suitable partner in life. then we decided to meet up.

It was Saturday afternoon when I woke up. Didn't really know what to do that time. Then she sent me a message. "Let's meet up" that word clings to my mind. I felt this chill on my fingers and I began to panic cause I don't know what to do. told her where should we meet up and she replied quickly that I began to move around my room asking myself what to do. She said "Timog, 5pm, Starbucks." I said Okay, and she didn't replied. I did everything in an instant. feels like I began to be on an autopilot mode. next thing I know I am in my pants and shirt ready to go. It was 4pm++ at that time, and I'm gonna be late at our meet up.

I got there by 5:15pm. and saw her at the front table of starbucks. I was mesmerized. She had a short brown hair, white skin, braces and wears a tanktop and short. She was Hot. (Can't post her pic though she might get angry at me).

We talked, told how our day went and there's no awkward moment. feels like we've known each other for a long long time. We had drinks, we ate food and made fun of the people out there. we dubbed other people's conversation which is what I really do when I'm waiting for someone.

We really had a good time that day.

After that we had our dinner at Don Henrico's Timog. I told her Buffalo wings are the best and she told me that lasagna is one of her favorite (coincidence?). again we talked about our past, relationships, family, friends. then the moment of truth. we held hands exiting our way to the restaurant. but, sadly, we never talked what we had that day. we never asked what's the score between us. we never told each other "Let's take it to the next level".

Maybe we really don't want to get ahead of ourselves, Maybe we were just waiting for the perfect time. Maybe we really are meant to be like this. I really don't know what to do. And maybe she really don't know either..

But Maybe.. As long as we were happy and having fun. Who knows, Maybe, Just Maybe we will have to celebrate our anniversary someday. Just Maybe.


-areyouMAK

Presents this Valentines Day: Is it really Important?

I really don't know why do we guys need to please a girl by giving them presents. What's the point of it? In the long run those things will just end up at the garbage bin, some random lightpost on the street or worst be given back to you on break up. They say it's a girls thing. I'm not being rude, insensitive or something but those things are not even worth the try. why? because for me, that really doesn't matter. It just makes the mood and the moment more romantic. In a male perspective, being practical is what 1st comes to our mind. why buy those things if we know that it will just be withered, stored in a room and be dusted for a long time and it just brings back the memories of you being together at that time. It's better to try something new. my tip is do not even try the traditional things. be unique. give her something that will last forever, that you can tell your children and grandchildren how you both spend that valentines day. I know it's a little bit too late now cause it's valentines day today but try something different from the usual things that's been done every valentines day. give her a v-card. girls love to read (yeah, they love to read anything) or get a bar of chocolates put her name on it and give it to her (idea came with the help of my friend @XelaaaaleX). lit a floating lantern, go out of town for the night and comeback before sunrise, make her coffee/chocolate drink and put a note on the cup, there's so many things to be done. sky is the limit. they will really appreciate those things instead of giving them that lousy and overused flowers, balloons and chocolates. you just need some twist to those things and viola! a perfect valentines moment for a couple! It's Valentines day. there's so many things to be done. You just need the guts to do those things or be the lame guy who gets the flowers that will make your girl smile for a couple of minutes and then part ways as the night goes down. your choice.

mustache :{

wish i can say this to you.

Goodbye Philippines :( I wiill miss all my friends and love ones.. Gonna celebrate my special day alone.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

valentines is so overrated. just buy your gift to your girl then hangout with them, don't take them on some fancy restaurant. go do something else, like watch a theatrical play or do hiking with her. just make the moment memorable. :)

How do the views in society effect people's behavior?

There is much controversy over this question, and many scientists and sociologists are studying it all the time.

Certainly, though, there are societal norms - behaviors that are generally accepted by all members of society to be right and normal. When one individual's behavior deviates too far from what is considered normal by the group, there's great upheaval - the group will decide whether to ostracize, to shun, or to accept the behavior given a bit of time. If the behavior harms no one, there is a greater chance of acceptance, but the society may take some time to observe, sometimes with wary regard. If the behavior is harmful to anyone in the society, the person is regarded with suspicion and may be avoided. If the behavior is obviously harmful, even subtly, then the behavior, and the person doing it, will be shunned and even ostracized.

In this way, we influence behavior - we encourage those behaviors that benefit society; examples: altruism, heroism, generosity, honesty. Some will discourage those behaviors whose benefits are questionable or where it may be perceived as harmful; examples: homosexuality, birth out of wedlock. However, in cases such as these, there may be a lot of debate on the issue by the society as a whole as to whether there actually is harm before a conclusion is reached by society as a whole. Definitely, the group will discourage harmful behaviors such as criminal acts, violence, and adultery. In these behaviors there is always an injured party, though the injury may not be physical.

As society progresses, some behaviors are re-visited. A good example is that as gays become more visible, the taboo that has kept them in the closet for many years lifts. It is a circular situation - as more is known, less is feared, and as less is feared, more come forward to answer questions, thus more is known and a lifestyle once ostracized becomes more mainstream. So it was with the women's movement beginning with the right to vote - as more women stepped forward to be heard, they were given more notice, more encouragement, and so more women stepped up - as a behavior begins to gain acceptance, more individuals will step in and add their voices to the few that began the movement.

Faith and morality play a large part in the influencing of behaviors. People of faith generally base their values on the Bible or other holy book, and feel that they have the moral high ground if behaviors are called into question. Sometimes this argument can become the over-zealous so-called protection of values based on the very narrow views of a few very vocal individuals, which then remains unchallenged for a period of time. As more is known and the view becomes broader, these objections often erode and societal influence is diminished.

As more and more people take an interest in an issue, influence will be felt quicker - if a subject isn't well known, it takes time for enough people to learn about it to create a swell of support or disagreement. Eventually, if the society is alive and vital, things change as progress is made and more is known. Time and information will help change society's view on any given subject, and then, once more, the influence will exert itself and things will change again.

for more information here's a link to that: http://goo.gl/MKlrI

The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

After all the shit's you've put me through.. I'm still inlove with you..

etopakyusampu

Stalking? No! More Like Admiring

Well, wth is a stalker?

from wiki:
Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching and/or harassing of another person. Most of the time, the purpose of stalking is to attempt to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling or otherwise unavailable. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time.

from dictionary.reference.com
1. a person who pursues game, prey, or a person stealthily.
2. a person who harasses another person, as a former lover, a famous person, etc., in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner: Hollywood stars often have security guards to keep dangerous stalkers at bay.

from world english dictionary:
stalk 2 (stɔːk)

— vb
1. to follow or approach (game, prey, etc) stealthily and quietly
2. to pursue persistently and, sometimes, attack (a person with whom one is obsessed, often a celebrity)
3. to spread over (a place) in a menacing or grim manner: fever stalked the camp
4. ( intr ) to walk in a haughty, stiff, or threatening way: he stalked out in disgust
5. to search or draw (a piece of land) for prey

— n
6. the act of stalking
7. a stiff or threatening stride

[Old English bestealcian to walk stealthily; related to Middle Low German stolkeren , Danish stalke ]

'stalker 2

from a normal person like me:
Admiring a person that I don't have the strength and confidence to talk to. Actually I have been going to this girl's profile page, even though I cannot see her updates because her account is on private mode, I still go to her profile and I have been getting info on her friend. I think it's not stalking, It's more on getting to know the person well before we start to go out. I met her in my friends party last saturday. and she's so damn hot, for me. we talked almost everything that night but I didn't get her number, why? cause that's how I do things, I let them think that I'm not into them at first, then talk to them as much as possible by exchanging messages on Facebook and Twitter. after that they'll eventually give their number (Isn't that sweet? :D). It's a kind of a long shot but they'll be drawn to you more, they'll be intrigued on your mystery type of personality you have. cause women loves the chase. yep, the "chase" but it's off topic right now. anyway, what I'm trying to tell is that what I'm doing is not stalking. hahaha!

so damn cute!!

I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them.

♥♥♥♥ !!!!MIKA!!!! ♥♥♥♥

just my type :)

Alam ko na
Magaling lang ako sa umpisa
Umasa ka pa sa akin
Mga pangakong nauwi lang sa wala
Nasayang lang ang iyong pagtitiyaga
Wala ka nga pala
At puro lang ako salita
Kaya pala
Pag-gising ko wala ka na..

I'm happy for her, but she's not happy for me..

kung puro utak, di ka magiging masaya. Kung puro puso, hindi mo magagawa ang tama. Kaya dapat, sensible balancing of both :)

Ang tunay na kaibigan, kahit galit na sila dahil nagpapakatanga ka, nandyan parin sila.

just let me catch you dL..

Isang Mabilis: Happy

Bigla ko na lang naramdaman, masaya pala ang buhay ko ng lumayo ako. I've learned to appreciate things around me. lam mo yun. yung tipong everytime na may mag memessage sayo nakakapagusap kayo ng maayos di katulad dati na sobrang saglit ko lang silang nakakausap at nakakasama. di ko naman pinaikot mundo ko sa kanya pero syempre. minsan lang kami magkita at magkausap. why not do the best out of it diba? pero dahil naglayuan nga kami, naging maluwag mundo ko. I realized that I really have so much spare time. nakapagfreelance pa nga ako. at iwas stress na din. although I'm missing her so much right now, masaya naman ako. I'm happy being alone again. alone as in alone. not loner, I'm just alone. marami din akong nakilalang tao ngayon. dati dami kong iniiwasang lakad. masaya. sana masaya din siya ngayon. kasi masaya ko. unfair naman kung di siya masaya diba? ayun.

isang mabilis:areyoumak

Maybe, Maybe not Part ONE

Hmm.. as you can see, I easily get bored. from everyday routines to unexpected getaway with my friends, recently I've been busy at work, doing articles that I really didn't and can't Imagine that I'll be doing for the rest of my life. but I have no choice. It's the field of work I'm into.

These articles keeps me busy from getting bored everyday. I can write things for a certain niche in a couple of hours leaving my thoughts away for awhile. but these past few days something bugged me a lot. these recent incident with my ex. When I'm going home after shift I was standing at the bus stop. as you know I'm the type of guy who likes to observe things from far places, I keep on looking at this certain chick that I saw at the other side of the road. yep, she's my type. with my birds eye view nothing can escape. hahaha! and as the chick gets near, I'm getting these flashbacks behind my head then the word "IF" keeps ringing on my mind.

What If....

I realize something is wrong with me. I met and dated a couple of girls these past few months after we broke up. nothing really last that long. It's more of a Hohol (hangout, hangout lang) and Momol (Make out, Make out lang). and what I'm looking for is a bond that will last, but it really is a fast pace kind of a getting to know each other then i get bored and let go of them that easily. i told myself that there really is a problem with me after reflecting on my thoughts.

the problem with me is i keep on saying that I don't want a commitment, i just want a partner, someone that will never let me down and someone that i can count on. but it really isn't what i wanted. what i wanted was her. all i really wanted was to be with her again, just for the last time.

I just want to talk with her for the last time. we need to catch up and patch things up before something drastically bad happens. a worst case scenario, a devils incarnation, end of the world or armageddon comes.

wtf.. what I'm really trying to say is that i keep on pretending that i have forgotten all of what we had shared and i really never had moved on for a year and a month. I don't know why but she keeps on poping in my head. i even had a dream with her.

I really don't know what to do now and i have been getting these thoughts of "what if's"

what will happen next? Maybe I don't want to know. or maybe not. I really don't know what to do now. now that i know why am i acting like a douche and a jerk to every person i met. wtf.

this would be the part one.. i have many unexpected encounters with her these past few days so bear with me.. hhaha! ;P

Am I the only one thinking about this?

Hello! - The 1st text message that i received and told myself that i like her.
Good Morning :*- Is the 1st text message i received in the morning and made my day.

then it stopped...

I met this girl in a social networking site. when i first saw her. i said to myself, "WOW, she's my ideal girl" yah, i really said that in my room. as you know my type is very simple, for appearance/look she must have a brace. i don't know why but to me, girls with braces means that they really take care of their teeth, and braces were so cool! i want to have that someday but our family dentist said that i don't need that cause i have a nice set of teeth, he just told me to stop chewing bones of chicken, pork and beef and quit my smoking habits, but i can't help it. i like those things :) 2nd thing is the lips, i don't care wtf is the shape of her lips but if she puts on her red lipstick everything will be perfect. and lastly, the hair, it should be at length of her shoulder and walla! I GOT YOU MY PERFECT GIRL! haha! seriously though, i like her so much on first sight.

I wont tell you all the details how i got her number (seriously, i don't want to brag :D) we exchanged messages on various social networking sites and in mobile phone. I can say we really have shared some connection from there.

then we met, it's saturday afternoon and when i saw her i was mesmerized. she really is my type. hahaha! disregard the braces, length of hair and the lips. yeah, she really is my type. because of her personality. she's too strong at the same time down to earth. she even toured me on her school which is i really didn't know why i walked her down there hahaha!

again we exchanged messages that day, then after a couple of days, it was gone. like a wind passed down on a field of wheat and corn.

I don't know what really happened. Suddenly it just stopped. no but's and no why's. it just stopped.

She told me that she was still waiting until she graduate her degree before she commits into a relationship and i don't want to interfere with that. my plan is to court her after she finish her studies so for now i just want us to be friends. I know some other guys will stand out cause if i wait for that long before i do something someone will get her heart but i don't want to interfere or to change her principle. and i want it to be fair not to brainwash her mind and force her to commit in a relationship.

the thing is, I'm thinking that she's mad at me. why? i don't know. and it sucks. we really stopped communicating with each other. AND IT'S NOT EASY, I'M GOING CRAZY! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME?! hahaha! :P (a line from somedaydream's song christmas in purple)

seriously though, It's hard for me cause i really like this girl but i don't know what happened to us. at first i thought she was just testing and playing some girl's mind games with me but as the days passed by, it's getting worst.

I really assumed that she like me too because of the topics and the conversations we had in the past days. but now, i think she.. oh well, maybe i need to move on? am i being a loner or nerd? hahaha! ahh shoot, i just want to let this one out so that i can focus on my work and the things i need to do. cause i really think of this everyday. hahaha!

anyway it's another year. let's start this year right, shall we? :) HAPPY NEW YEAR!