Maybe, Maybe not Part TWO

It's been a long time since I last wrote the 1st part of this. This time I'll continue my story.

It was the end of my shift, there I was waiting for the elevator to come up, there was so many people waiting that time cause I got off to work on the time that is the end of shift of all the employee on that floor.

I stood near the fire hydrant with my earphones on, I'm always on shuffle when I'm using my music player. then it played. a song that she gave me, brings back memories so I didn't skipped the song and I'm enjoying the song so I listened to it. after that, another song from her played, yeah, 2 in a row that's bs but it happened then another, this time a song that only her friends knew cause it was a song from her friend that has a band. that song really brings back our memories, that song reminded me on how I got and accepted our game of chase. I did everything the book and my experience has to offer, I played the part of I don't care but I really do, I became the boy who tell all the sweet things just to please her, I did all her errands and favor that she asked me. I pretty much did everything for her. But at the end, all of those things means nothing at all. It's hard cause back then I really don't have someone who I can run to, to talk with, to be with. My friends really never asked me how's my life there in Cavite. no one really cares about me at that time. And at that time all I really had was her. I'm not really the type of person who'll mingle with everybody. I'm just a quiet boy at the corner observing peoples action and laugh at the flaws that I'm seeing. not that I'm an outcast or a loner, I just enjoy staring at people and observing things that they're doing.

then the elevator opened. I was on the 30th floor of our building and the elevator is full, we were like sardines packed in can but the we got down to the lobby fast, then the door opened. I saw a girl who's got the same hair color as her, at first I thought that she's her, but i got to my senses and I'm just imagining things. really, I really thought that it was her that time. I saw her face at that girl but when she passed by me her face changed. wtf, it's this kind of moment when you're thinking of a person and wanted to see her but you can't. (thanks for giving me this restraining order sis).

then as I walk to the bus stop I thought I saw her again, it was at the McDo. This girl stood there but I never saw her face, same height as her, same hair length and same hair color. I was stunned that time. and as I reach for my pack of cigarettes my sister called. then I answered it and the girl began to fade away into my thoughts.

I really thought at that time that she was that girl. I knew it by the way she move as she stood there at the front of McDo..

This time I'm really in a fucked up situation. why cause it's almost a year at that time when that happened. I don't really know why I keep on thinking about her all these time. I had a couple of dates these past few weeks and yes, I've been going out but I really never got the chance to do things or make those "hangout" be a date.

I think I'm still in love with her..

I'm way over my head right now

It's 1:46am on March 6, 2012. I really can't sleep.

This time I've been thinking about her. you know, the girl who I told everyone that she's "the one". yeah. I've been thinking about her the whole time. since the end of my shift, when I rode the jeep, walked through nagtahan bridge, and when I got home and lay down on my trusted bed, who's been loyal to me ever since.

This time it's different. I wrote about this girl who've I dated and she's not the real deal. I just want her company and I have no feelings for her. I'm sure of it this time.
I like her qualities. she's spontaneous, she's impulsive like me, and we're pretty much the same, at all aspects. the way we want to express ourselves, the dress and shirt we wore, the type of things we like to do. we were pretty much the same. and It's not right.

what I have learned for myself is that I keep on saying to everybody that I really got over her but in reality, I don't. I'm just escaping for the truth. I really made all my dates a getaway from reality that i can't really get off to.

I messed up. I'm too careful not to do things that can make us be apart, but because of that, I've become a sissy, a girl, a pussy. at that time, I'm the girl.

I'm not really that kind of guy, who will go all the way home to manila in a 4-6hrs drive but I did it. I don't buy things for a girl which is not practical and logical for us to have, that's not me but I did it. I'd do anything for her at that time because we were too far away and that what's makes me do those things. cause I know what it feels like to not be on a person's birthday. to not be at a person's side when she was really down. to not be able to help her do her passport cause it's making her crazy about what to put on it. to be able not to hug her when it's raining hard outside. yeah, I'm not that guy to be with her all the time because I'm too far from her. to say sorry eventhough I didn't do anything odd or a mistake. and that's why I did everything to work things out.


She's still the apple of my eye. I still smell her perfume on my pillow and sheets, I still listen to her songs. I still browse her pictures on that small pink lcd thing that her "officemate" gave her. I still love her from the bottom of my heart and this time I'm not gonna lie to myself, I still do want her in my life.

yeah I know this sucks. to love somebody who's not really not that into me. but you know what. that's love. to do it unconditionally is it's best quality. you see, you can love anybody, even if they really don't care about it, you'd still love them. that's what's great about loving somebody. you can make a goal for it. what I'm doing for that feelings is to shape my life. to someday see her, maybe in her home abroad, having a wonderful life, and maybe, just maybe start all over again, but that's a 0.01% of 100%. in other words, it's BS.

I have this letter which is I really don't know what to do to it and why I still have it when my wallet is snatched from me (I hid all my personal stuff in my wallet). I wrote it on the day that we broke up. actually, she really thought me how to write. which is what my job is right now. she shaped my life, she changed it. she made me the man who I am right now.

And that's why I'm very thankful for her. And that's why I still love her. She made me do things that I really thought I can't do. But I messed up.

She's happy right now, eventhough I don't really know what's happening to her (I really sucked at lying, Cyberstalking, how beautiful is it?). I know she's happy, and I'm happy for her too. that's love, to be happy for a person even though you think that you should be with her right now. I'm happy for her now.

Just Having fun. For now.

You're so beautiful.

That's the only thing I said when we first met..

I met this girl in a social networking site. We exchanged messages. added and followed each other on our Social networking sites, Told jokes at night. Give advice to each other whenever we have a problem.

But.. we never exchanged phone numbers. why? maybe it spoils the fun. the excitement when we waited for each other to pop up on each chat messages, the email that will be sent to us that day. the tweets we must reply whenever we retweet each other statuses.

Then one day. out of the blue, she asked for my phone number cause she will be busy this coming month. well, It should've been me doing that but I'm not that guy who really likes to get numbers from some random strangers. shy? no, It's just I really don't do that. Getting numbers or Giving private and personal contact information is like giving your safety at risk.

So then It goes. we exchanged messages through text now. no more emails, no more tweets, no more chat messages. just plain text. we enjoyed talking to each other. we replied to each sms even if we were doing something. it's like getting a friend who's never gonna let you down.

A month have passed since we exchanged numbers. and then we got bored. You know, when you've been doing things for so long you'll get tired of it. and we got to the point when we were telling each other what we should and would not do. It becomes a relationship, a commitment.

Commitment.. that awful relationship when we restrict each other from doing things we like. that really is what I am avoiding right now. It's not that I don't want to take part of something huge here. It's just I don't want everything to fall apart. We built a relationship where we are open to each other. we tell our worst nightmare, we share our ups and down. We're pretty much a perfect representation of friendship. But everything must come to an end. We must decide whether we take it to the next level or remain like this and find another suitable partner in life. then we decided to meet up.

It was Saturday afternoon when I woke up. Didn't really know what to do that time. Then she sent me a message. "Let's meet up" that word clings to my mind. I felt this chill on my fingers and I began to panic cause I don't know what to do. told her where should we meet up and she replied quickly that I began to move around my room asking myself what to do. She said "Timog, 5pm, Starbucks." I said Okay, and she didn't replied. I did everything in an instant. feels like I began to be on an autopilot mode. next thing I know I am in my pants and shirt ready to go. It was 4pm++ at that time, and I'm gonna be late at our meet up.

I got there by 5:15pm. and saw her at the front table of starbucks. I was mesmerized. She had a short brown hair, white skin, braces and wears a tanktop and short. She was Hot. (Can't post her pic though she might get angry at me).

We talked, told how our day went and there's no awkward moment. feels like we've known each other for a long long time. We had drinks, we ate food and made fun of the people out there. we dubbed other people's conversation which is what I really do when I'm waiting for someone.

We really had a good time that day.

After that we had our dinner at Don Henrico's Timog. I told her Buffalo wings are the best and she told me that lasagna is one of her favorite (coincidence?). again we talked about our past, relationships, family, friends. then the moment of truth. we held hands exiting our way to the restaurant. but, sadly, we never talked what we had that day. we never asked what's the score between us. we never told each other "Let's take it to the next level".

Maybe we really don't want to get ahead of ourselves, Maybe we were just waiting for the perfect time. Maybe we really are meant to be like this. I really don't know what to do. And maybe she really don't know either..

But Maybe.. As long as we were happy and having fun. Who knows, Maybe, Just Maybe we will have to celebrate our anniversary someday. Just Maybe.


-areyouMAK

Stalking? No! More Like Admiring

Well, wth is a stalker?

from wiki:
Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching and/or harassing of another person. Most of the time, the purpose of stalking is to attempt to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling or otherwise unavailable. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time.

from dictionary.reference.com
1. a person who pursues game, prey, or a person stealthily.
2. a person who harasses another person, as a former lover, a famous person, etc., in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner: Hollywood stars often have security guards to keep dangerous stalkers at bay.

from world english dictionary:
stalk 2 (stɔːk)

— vb
1. to follow or approach (game, prey, etc) stealthily and quietly
2. to pursue persistently and, sometimes, attack (a person with whom one is obsessed, often a celebrity)
3. to spread over (a place) in a menacing or grim manner: fever stalked the camp
4. ( intr ) to walk in a haughty, stiff, or threatening way: he stalked out in disgust
5. to search or draw (a piece of land) for prey

— n
6. the act of stalking
7. a stiff or threatening stride

[Old English bestealcian to walk stealthily; related to Middle Low German stolkeren , Danish stalke ]

'stalker 2

from a normal person like me:
Admiring a person that I don't have the strength and confidence to talk to. Actually I have been going to this girl's profile page, even though I cannot see her updates because her account is on private mode, I still go to her profile and I have been getting info on her friend. I think it's not stalking, It's more on getting to know the person well before we start to go out. I met her in my friends party last saturday. and she's so damn hot, for me. we talked almost everything that night but I didn't get her number, why? cause that's how I do things, I let them think that I'm not into them at first, then talk to them as much as possible by exchanging messages on Facebook and Twitter. after that they'll eventually give their number (Isn't that sweet? :D). It's a kind of a long shot but they'll be drawn to you more, they'll be intrigued on your mystery type of personality you have. cause women loves the chase. yep, the "chase" but it's off topic right now. anyway, what I'm trying to tell is that what I'm doing is not stalking. hahaha!

Isang Mabilis: Happy

Bigla ko na lang naramdaman, masaya pala ang buhay ko ng lumayo ako. I've learned to appreciate things around me. lam mo yun. yung tipong everytime na may mag memessage sayo nakakapagusap kayo ng maayos di katulad dati na sobrang saglit ko lang silang nakakausap at nakakasama. di ko naman pinaikot mundo ko sa kanya pero syempre. minsan lang kami magkita at magkausap. why not do the best out of it diba? pero dahil naglayuan nga kami, naging maluwag mundo ko. I realized that I really have so much spare time. nakapagfreelance pa nga ako. at iwas stress na din. although I'm missing her so much right now, masaya naman ako. I'm happy being alone again. alone as in alone. not loner, I'm just alone. marami din akong nakilalang tao ngayon. dati dami kong iniiwasang lakad. masaya. sana masaya din siya ngayon. kasi masaya ko. unfair naman kung di siya masaya diba? ayun.

isang mabilis:areyoumak