The "IF" Phase

"IF" a word that is made to think of what should and could have happened in the future. In a relationship, you can think of anything about the future. You'll share it to your love one and make decisions about your future with them, but when things got worst and you ended everything with that someone, you'll have to think over everything again. with or without that person, It is really up to you if you can make things work or get on with your life. But this is the most tragic and dramatic part of moving on. This thing lingers to your mind and will make you think of getting back with your special someone regardless of how absurd they did to you back then. This will make you feel weak without that person and will make you think you're useless alone. But that doesn't mean that you can't get through from that phase. Friends will make you feel better, Talk to them. If you have something on your mind, tell them what it is. They'll make it sure that you are on the right track and not lingering in the memories you've created with. I have gone through it, but without any help of anybody, just by myself. It's hard and though to handle those feelings inside that you want to let go without someone who's willing to listen to your dramatic speech. But I got passed that. And when you got your head straight those "If's" you have will be gone. Just think about it, you're just looking back on things you had on that certain point in time. those are just promises to keep the relationship going, those are your goals as a future married couple. those are just things that will never be done without the other one. Remember, you can't make those things alone because It's the things you both want to have in the end of the run, in the end of the game of chase. Unless one of you locked it in and risked everything for the things you have it's just a promise that will be made by both partners. The If phase really is the hard part of moving on. you'll just keep remembering things you both said to each other but you can go through it. those are just words, without actions they are useless.

Hard Decisions

I have thought about this very recently and I still don't have the answer. I have shifted or changed my career and pursued my I.T. profession. yeah. I have been a Creative designer for 3months now and I'm still not sure what I really want. I thought that when I pursue my field of expertise I would be happy. but I'm not. I still don't know what do I want to do. My relatives had offered me to go abroad and stay at their place, My aunt had offered me to work for this Big Company that she had many connections to, My mom had told me that if I want to study she'll support me. My father, a man of few words told me that if I there's something I want to do I must do it so that I wont regret that in whole life. The point here is I have many options and with these options, I can't really decide what to do. They have given me a lot of things just to make me happy but they are making things not easy for me to decide what do I really want. I really want to go abroad just to experience how to live and work there, I really want to study again and choose what I really want, and I really want to work in a big company just to experience how to handle a team/department and show my leadership skills, But I'm still undecided. Now I don't know what do I need to do for me to get motivated. I'm so confused that I don't know what's the next move I'm gonna do. I want to leap to the next level but my instincts didn't want to do it. Maybe I'm afraid to do things because I know that by some point in time I will fail in my chosen path of career. I don't really know what to do now and I really don't think those are my best options. They really have given me good choices but I don't think I will excel on those things. I want to grow career wise and personal wise but I'm really afraid to fail everything. Now I really don't know what I really want to do. Given the circumstances that everyone is supporting what I will do for myself. I'm confused. I need to think straight now. and I need a break.

Big N' Tasty

The title says everything. YES It's big, and YES it's tasty. It's like the size of Mcdo's Quarter pounder and tasty as Big Mac because of it's 100% pure beef (i hope so) and veggies. I tried this yesterday at McKinley when I got out of work. I usually bought Quarter pounder and McNuggets but I saw this on their menu and It's kinda new so I tried it. at first I just thought that it was just ordinary like every burger at Mcdo but when i give it a bite, speechless. the meat was juicy like it just got out of the oven or pan or whatever you call it. It melts right into my mouth with tomatoes, lettuce cucumber and onions (this one i forgot it there was really an onion). It's dressing is quite tasty too. I don't think it's thousand island though and It may be Mcdo's signature dressing or smoke dressing. idk cause like i said I'm a meat lover so I'm just focused on how tender and juicy the beef/patty is. I'll compliment it's veggies too. fresh tomatoes, crispy cucumbers and green lettuce. just like in our everyday salad. It's not pricey too. with just 120 on ala carte, 145 for a regular meal with fries and drink and 165 upsize upgrade. try this one now while Mcdo give it for it's 100% potential :)

BB friend. Social media sucks

it's like the old days, when someone posted something on the net. gives me a link. searched something in particular. read it, found out that she wrote something about how we hanged out. deja vu? hahaha! twitter. I'm not safe there anymore. hahaha! that was the time when i was out of luck. the day when i broke up with my ex. never thought that she likes to hangout with me. but that's so much in the past right now. didn't want an intimate relationship anymore. just hanging out with someone is "a okay" with me. I'm not saying that's it's too late right now. I just don't want to commit. why? because it will take so much of my time. right now i can do pretty much whatever i want. i can go everywhere, anywhere, wherever and whomever i want to be with. that's what's great in being a loner. being alone with someone who's not thinking that we'll have that relationship, a friend who will be there whatever i do. but that will end today. because of that blogpost. it ruined everything. It's not that i don't want to hangout with her anymore. I just want things to cool down, to fade out. I really don't want someone falling for me right now. I don't want someone to fall with me. It changes everything. we can't talk freely if that happens. that's how eff' up my setup is. if someone falls, I'll say goodbye. that's it. yeah i know i'll be an ahole, a dbag and an effin' cunt but that's how i arranged it. I told them what i want and what can i do in the first place. as of now no one last that long. they really get out of track, they get lost in what i'm doing for them, they fall. and for that I'm very sorry. I'm writing this because i felt bad of what will happen to us. i don't want to do this again for a friend. but i must. i really feel bad about what will happen to us. but things will get awkward from this on. I'll stay away from her, ignore her text messages and calls, her fb messages and twitter dm's. everything. so this is goodbye. sorry for this. but i have to stay away to you from now on. I wont say this to you in person cause i'm too pussy and it will be hard to say it to you. this is all i can do. sorry again. SORRY.

Career wise: Workplace you really want to go to.

It's been a long time since I wrote something here in my blogsite. As usual, I'll write something about myself again. I actually just got home today. as of the moment I still got this intense energy left on my body so I'll just convert this into writing. Today I got the job.(Hell YEAH!) and finished a lot of designs and flash files. shifting a career is very risky but if you really want something why not give it a try right? I just finished a flash file for "The Voice" banner ads. Our client is really an effin' pain in the ass so I did a lot of revisions in my work. still not tired btw so I got this Buried ads done this morning and I'm still running with more energy. I think my workplace did a lot of things to inspire me today. the ambiance is good, my officemates were too kind to give me some moral support. looks at my work, gives a couple of straight forward opinions (a bit harsh but still very helpful) and a very satisfying smile is given back to me. I really think that I will grow and learn more in this company. people were very supportive and they help each other whenever they need help. a kind of workplace I really want to work.

Saturday: A Big Day for US

Today It's a very special day for myself, my family, and my friends. I have a big interview for one of the biggest advertising company that is based in McKinley Hill and It's my cousin and my friend's graduation day, and with the same time. wtf, here it goes. I have an interview for this company which will be my biggest break as a web developer, I had an interview with them via phone and asked me to come over on their site last week, I think I passed the interview and the assessment that is why I was called back to go there again at 8am. sadly, I didn't went there, I overslept, hehe, so I rescheduled my interview but they didn't replied so, there goes my ticket of being a successful web developer and still stuck in being a SEO Specialist (which now bores me because I've been doing it for 3-4yrs). I woke up at 9:30am, pretty much the same, Opened my pc, checked my phones and I got plenty of messages and missed calls from my girl (I still haven't replied to her messages so she must be really pissed off right now) went to my stylist which is NOT AVAILABLE today and got a haircut from this guy that's named as "FERGIE" which does not suits him well, It was all done at 1:30pm and I need to be on my cousin's place at 2-3pm to help and prepare foods that will be served to their effin' visitors. (yeah, I know how cook and that's only the greatest skill I have) It wasn't supposed to be this until my cousin called last night and plead for my help which pretty much I can't say no because they needed my help, I'm a yes man btw hehe. and now I'm tired and I still need to go to my friend's graduation party and I'm so tired right now because I'm not used in doing so many things in one day. as Sarah Walker said to Chuck "one mission at a time". btw I became the photographer of the party so I have all their cameras so this is really tiring for me.

This is life but, It's a big day for us, I mean for them. well, I got an achievement today, I got a haircut from "Fergie" who's been hitting on me from the moment I stepped on Fix's front door. I really don't like having a haircut so this must be an achievement. hehe.. anyway, CONGRATULATIONS BATCH OF 2012! WELCOME TO THE LIFE OF HAVING TOO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES, BEING THRIFT and NOT HAVING YOUR OWN TIME! hehe. GOODLUCK PEOPLE!! :D

Maybe, Maybe not Part TWO

It's been a long time since I last wrote the 1st part of this. This time I'll continue my story.

It was the end of my shift, there I was waiting for the elevator to come up, there was so many people waiting that time cause I got off to work on the time that is the end of shift of all the employee on that floor.

I stood near the fire hydrant with my earphones on, I'm always on shuffle when I'm using my music player. then it played. a song that she gave me, brings back memories so I didn't skipped the song and I'm enjoying the song so I listened to it. after that, another song from her played, yeah, 2 in a row that's bs but it happened then another, this time a song that only her friends knew cause it was a song from her friend that has a band. that song really brings back our memories, that song reminded me on how I got and accepted our game of chase. I did everything the book and my experience has to offer, I played the part of I don't care but I really do, I became the boy who tell all the sweet things just to please her, I did all her errands and favor that she asked me. I pretty much did everything for her. But at the end, all of those things means nothing at all. It's hard cause back then I really don't have someone who I can run to, to talk with, to be with. My friends really never asked me how's my life there in Cavite. no one really cares about me at that time. And at that time all I really had was her. I'm not really the type of person who'll mingle with everybody. I'm just a quiet boy at the corner observing peoples action and laugh at the flaws that I'm seeing. not that I'm an outcast or a loner, I just enjoy staring at people and observing things that they're doing.

then the elevator opened. I was on the 30th floor of our building and the elevator is full, we were like sardines packed in can but the we got down to the lobby fast, then the door opened. I saw a girl who's got the same hair color as her, at first I thought that she's her, but i got to my senses and I'm just imagining things. really, I really thought that it was her that time. I saw her face at that girl but when she passed by me her face changed. wtf, it's this kind of moment when you're thinking of a person and wanted to see her but you can't. (thanks for giving me this restraining order sis).

then as I walk to the bus stop I thought I saw her again, it was at the McDo. This girl stood there but I never saw her face, same height as her, same hair length and same hair color. I was stunned that time. and as I reach for my pack of cigarettes my sister called. then I answered it and the girl began to fade away into my thoughts.

I really thought at that time that she was that girl. I knew it by the way she move as she stood there at the front of McDo..

This time I'm really in a fucked up situation. why cause it's almost a year at that time when that happened. I don't really know why I keep on thinking about her all these time. I had a couple of dates these past few weeks and yes, I've been going out but I really never got the chance to do things or make those "hangout" be a date.

I think I'm still in love with her..